Looking Back Over A Year & Decade of Reconnecting With Self

Fam, 2019 is rapidly drawing to a close and I don’t know where to begin to summarize all that I’ve learned.

I started the 2010s back home in DC, after a particularly acrimonious exchange with my landlord that was wholly unnecessary. Knowing I could not stay at that particular Philly address, the Universe opened up the possibility for me to head back to my birthplace and help prepare a late relative’s house for sale, and be closer to my father whose health was taking a turn downward. This two-year period was also crucial for me to archive both my extensive music collection and a treasure trove of family photos. The house was later broken into and many of my CDs were stolen. A pipe burst and caused a massive mold & mildew issue in the basement that destroyed many of the photos and vinyl albums I had tried to hold on to. My father made transition in April 2011, but I am ever thankful that we had some extra time to talk and laugh together because I could drop by to see him easily. None of this would have been feasible without my return to DC…without the time, energy, inclination to preserve cherished memories and reconnect to my roots.

I started moving back and forth between Philly and DC after my father passed, after being asked to resume teaching classes with Mural Arts of Philadelphia part-time. Through their YVRP (Youth Violence Reduction Program), I had the responsibility of helping formerly-incarcerated young adults secure some “soft skills” to help them interview and secure gainful employment. I learned a LOT about some of the pervasive beliefs that cause talented teens to make choices that land them in the system. About how their self-esteem suffers for a variety of troublesome reasons, and how their dependence on social service programs undermines their natural talents and abilities to build a career. I learned as much as I gave, and the experience made me double-down on my commitment to making education a consistent part of my personal mission. Building up our community by developing the intellect and skills of each individual is both a blessing and a privilege.

In February 2012, the Philadelphia media community lost one of its treasured voices when journalist Fatimah Ali made transition. I got a call from WURD about auditioning to fill her vacant midday on-air slot, and after several test runs and listener feedback, I was offered the chance to become an official radio host. Six months later, my role at the station expanded to include the Program Director position. For 6.5 years, I faithfully shared my ideas for staff organization, improving communication on- and off-air with all staff and producers, new programming, expanding social media marketing, website redesign, and strengthening the overall image and sound of the brand. Because I have production skills, I jumped in to edit and produce video features for the station’s website, host a series called WURD Backstage that featured top-notch creatives who were in Philadelphia for performances and movie screenings, and created video features and soundscapes to enhance many of the station’s “In The Community” panel discussions and town hall gatherings. I poured my soul into my work and, in the end, WURD gave me their ass to kiss. I haven’t ever said this publicly before, because I learned and grew so much throughout that entire process, and I didn’t want to disparage anyone. But, as the 2010s say goodbye, I feel the need to speak and release all of that energy. I was wounded by the experience, but I have healed. I should have heeded my inner voice and left of my own accord almost two years prior. So, things evolved as I knew they would. And I learned to stop quieting my gut. My resignation was my birthday gift to myself last year. And I have no regrets.

Honestly, 2019 was a difficult year, personally and professionally. Transitioning back to self-employment came with a bunch of unforeseen challenges and complications. I had to learn to honor my vulnerabilities. Ask for help, when needed and before it becomes an emergency. Learn how to navigate my own insecurities and governmental red tape. And listen to my body. I was hospitalized right before Thanksgiving and diagnosed with a serious illness that I’ll write about more in a separate post. But, thanks to the consistent nagging of some of my dearest friends and an expert medical team, I now know what I’m up against and am getting healthier every day. Knocked down, but not out. Rising above the challenges, empowered and capable. And giving thanks more than ever before, to everyone to who stepped in and stepped up on my behalf. I’m not used to leaning on others so heavily, but I have learned the power of humility and being receptive. And now I understand even more the power of paying it forward. I have received so much love and uplift during my low points that I am compelled to rebuild, not just for myself, but so I can be a better resource to others in the future.

So, I am happy to wave goodbye to this decade. Thrilled that, as my sister Charlene says every morning, “I am vertical for another day.” I remain reflective of all of the closing doors I have faced in the 2010s, but very much looking forward to the openings and elevation that are in store as I welcome in the 2020s. More singing, more writing, more consulting with my clients, more recording, more performing, more taking good care of me. More laughing, spending time and genuinely loving up on friends and family, more often. And more passing along of what I know and have learned, so the circle continues to expand and deepen.

Have a glorious start to the New Year, one and all! I know I will.

And, if you know like I know, you’ll give abundant thanks for it all. You are stronger than you know, and better than you realize. Give yourself credit for the unique gift of the Universe that you are, and keep pushing!